


Fastbreaks: a parodial take on the Sweet Valley ‘verse

by MrToddWilkins



Series: Fannish scripts [5]
Category: A Very Potter Musical Series - Team StarKid, Sweet Valley High - Francine Pascal
Genre: AVPM References, Crossover, F/M, Fred Weasley Lives, Gen, I blame 1Bruce1, Jeffrey French Bashing, Multiple acts, Parody, compresses the three Starkid plays into one, play, the oracle - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-25
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:02:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26649481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MrToddWilkins/pseuds/MrToddWilkins
Relationships: Aaron Dallas/Enid Rollins, Albus Dumbledore/Scarfy, Arthur Weasley/Marianna West, Elizabeth Wakefield/Todd Wilkins, Hank Patman/Alice Wakefield, Helen Bradley/Danny Stouffer, John Pfeifer/Olivia Davidson, Maria Slater/Ken Matthews, Mike McAllery/Jessica Wakefield, Nora Dalton/Ned Wakefield, Winston Egbert/Maria Santelli, implied wolfstar - Relationship
Series: Fannish scripts [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1689898





	1. Dramatis Personae, and all that pertinent information

Sweet Valley people:

  
ELIZABETH WAKEFIELD, 16, the 'good' Wakefield twin. Writes for The Oracle, the Sweet Valley High student newspaper. 

JESSICA WAKEFIELD, 16, the 'bad' twin. Likes partying,boys,shopping. Dates around,flirts.

STEVEN WAKEFIELD, 20, their brother. Looks like Lee Majors. Journalism student at Sweet Valley University. Engaged to....

BILLIE WINKLER, 22, an arts student at SVU. Originally from northern California. Red of hair,blue of eye.

NED WAKEFIELD, 40, the twins' dad. A lawyer who's challenging incumbent Peter Santelli in the Sweet Valley mayoral race. 

ALICE WAKEFIELD, 39, his wife. An interior designer and someday model. Looks like she could be the twins' older sister.

CARA WALKER, just turned 17, a friend of Jessica's. She has an awesome suntan and loves to go shopping. Formerly the girlfriend of Steven.

LILA FOWLER, 16, Jessica's bestie. The richest girl in Sweet Valley. She has dark hair,green eyes,and tan skin. She drives a lime green Triumph TR3.

TODD WILKINS, 16, Elizabeth’s boyfriend. The handsome star of the football and basketball teams.

ENID ROLLINS, 17, Elizabeth’s bestie. This pretty brunette is a writer for The Oracle. She writes the _Eyes and Ears_ gossip column, previously Elizabeth’s domain.

OLIVIA DAVIDSON,17, a staff writer for The Oracle. In addition to being its arts editor,Olivia is also the paper’s chief photographer. She has auburn hair and dark blue eyes.

WINSTON EGBERT, 16, the resident geek of Sweet Valley High. This handsome brunette guy is both smart and popular.

MARIA SANTELLI, 17, his girlfriend. A pert,pretty cheerleader with multiple talents.

CAROLINE PEARCE, 16, the school gossip. A pretty redhead with a bloodhound’s nose for fact and fancies alike.


	2. A Very Pretentious Prologue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a modification of the first scene of A Very Potter Sequel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes,Harry defeated Voldemort at just 3 months in this timeline :)
> 
> Yes,he was born earlier

Place: grounds of Malfoy Manor

Time: November 1977

Enter LUCIUS MALFOY and HAMISH YAXLEY. Malfoy is a tall blond wizard with a calculating stare. He wears purple robes with the Malfoy family crest over a hunting shirt and slacks. Yaxley,a young pale man with dull auburn hair,looks nervous. He wears a polo shirt with the Yaxley family crest.   
  


Lucius:You’re late.

Yaxley:Late? What’s it matter? Look at this morning’s Prophet! “The Boy Who Lived: The Dark Lord Dead!”. I knew it! We backed the wrong side…Again!

Lucius:Calm yourself, Hamish.Do you have what I sent you for or not?<

Yaxley:Yeah, I got it. I had to break into the Ministry for it, but I got it.

Lucius:Excellent.

Yaxley:But you should see the Ministry. The Dark Lord not dead more than a day and they’ve already got the Wizard Cops out after us.

Lucius:Damn those Wizard Cops! Well. None of that matters anymore as long as we have this.

Yaxley:Who do you think you are? We don’t stand a chance against the Wizard Cops, not even you, Lucius Malfoy!

LUCIUS:

Don't ever tell me what I can't do,  
I'd watch my tongue if I were you.  
For all we know, you-know-who  
could be watching us  
  
YAXLEY:  
[spoken]

He can't be, he's dead!  
  
LUCIUS:

That never stopped our plans before  
You've no idea what I have in store!  
You really think that you'd be at my door  
if we had nothing to discuss?

So come inside, don't you fret  
for it's not over yet!

Death Eater (off): What word from Mordor, milord?

Lucius: Wrong franchise, Goyle! Hamish here got us a Time Turner.

Goyle:But them’s dangerous,Lucius.

Lucius:Do you think I don’t know that? I,who have delved deeper than Dumbledore,deeper even than our Lord himself,into strange magics long forgotten in Albion? Magica even the Greeks have forgotten?  
  
Snape:You’re not slipping us the mickey,are you,Lucius? 

Lucius:Severus,my boy,you helped Nott to brew the very poison that killed my Mudblood lover of a father. I would never lead you wrong. Let us make our plans!  
  
Snape:With pleasure!

They disappear into the Manor. Exit right.


	3. Act 1,scene 1

Place: Sweet Valley High, the gym  
Time: April, late 1980s (the time period when the rest of this whole play is set)

A dance is being held, the dance from the end of SVH book #2, Secrets. The DROIDS, Sweet Valley High's semi-official band, are up on stage, playing their latest hits. Numerous COUPLES are on stage,dancing. We focus for now on one such couple,ELIZABETH WAKEFIELD and TODD WILKINS. 

Elizabeth is a tall girl with long,radiant blonde hair that sweeps behind her as she dances. Her eyes are as blue as the Pacific on a winter's day,her size-six figure is trim with a hint of perkiness,and she wears a 'lucky' lavaliere around her neck. Her dress is maroon with peridot ruffles, Underneath it,barely visible to anybody,is a bra. On her wrist she wears a marigold corsage.

Todd Wilkins is as handsome as they come, an all-American boy in the traditional high school mold. His short brown hair is a testament to haircare for guys. His brown eyes smolder sexily,but can portray almost any emotion if required. His suit is cut as neatly as his hair is, with a white rose in his lapel.

Liz: Oh,Todd,I'm enjoying tonight so much!

Todd:Me too,Lizzie. Say,want some punch?

Liz:Yes,please!

As Todd goes to get some punch, and Liz sits at an empty table, a gaggle of girls passes her,laughing about something or other. One of them is CARA WALKER. This handsome,suntanned brunette is friends with both Liz and her twin sister,Jessica. Waving her goodbye to the bevy of beauties,Cara sits next to Liz.

Cara:Are you okay,Liz?

Liz:I'm fine,Cara. Todd's gone to get us some punch. When he gets back I'll have him get some for you. How are you? Where's your friend Fred?

Cara:I'm fine. Fred's dancing with Amy Sutton. Grace Oliver was with us,but she left to use the bathroom. I'm wondering if those rumors about her were true.

Liz:What rumors?

Cara:That she's pregnant,Liz!

Liz:Pregnant? By who?

Cara:Ricky Capaldo.

Liz:I'd believe it of him. He sure does have a way with women.

Cara:At least Steve treated me well. How're he and Billie doing?

Liz:They're engaged!

Cara:Engaged! Wow. That's cool. I must send them a gift. What should I send?

Liz:Flowers?

Cara:Good idea,Liz. Very good idea. My mom grows lilies in our backyard.

Todd comes back.

Liz:Todd,could you be a dear and get Cara some punch?

Nodding,Todd exits right. 

Todd (off):And I suppose you want me to get Jess,Lila,and Mike some?

Liz:Alright!

JESSICA WAKEFIELD,LILA FOWLER,and MIKE MCALLERY approach. Jessica is Liz's identical twin sister, with feathered blonde hair,a rounder face,and a chipper smile. Her dress is bright blue,complementing her eyes. Lila has dark hair and bright green eyes. Her dress is gold and billows around her. Mike,Jessica's boyfriend,is a handsome boy with light brown hair and a wry smile. He wears a '70s-style suit and slacks.

Lila:Can you believe it? Caroline Pearce and Jay McGuire,dancing together? They’ve never spoken one word to each other since like,first grade or something,and there they are.

Jessica:I know! 

Liz:Lila,are those rumors about Grace Oliver true?

Lila:That she’s pregnant? No. She just had some flu coming on. She is going out with Ricky,however. Sheesh.  
  
Jessica:So what else did Caroline dish,Li? I had to go to the bathroom too.

Lila:Nothing much. Molly Hecht was caught smoking with Rick Andover,Maria Santelli and Winston are an item,same old.

Liz:Golly gee,sounds like little’s changed in a short time!

Lila:I know! I’m,like,the richest girl in this town,and yet.....and yet I still feel so...... _unsatisfied_!

Jessica:Li,you wouldn’t know satisfaction if it hit you like a speeding bullet!

Cara:I have to agree. You really need some beach time with us girls. I’m sure I can get Jeannie and Sandy,you can go for Patty and Maria,Jess can gather Helen and Annie,and Liz can take Enid and Olivia! Just like that!

Liz:That’s a lot of people. Still,I suppose.......Fine. Next Saturday. After I’m done with the _Oracle_ meeting. Y’know,it’s just not the same since Penny graduated - remember Penny?

Cara:I never really liked her. She was so pretentious. Guess that just comes when you’re a smarty pants.

Liz (stung):Cara!

Jessica:Yeah,Cara. Be nice to Liz. We’re all friends here.

Cara:I suppose.

A flurry as CAROLINE PEARCE approaches the table. Caroline is a tall,slim redhead with the barest hint of curves. She is an inveterate gossip,always on the lookout for the latest rumor.

Caroline:Hey,Lila,did you hear? Rachel Grant is returning to school - you remember,she dropped out in September to care for her mom after that car accident. Well,her mom’s all better now. And Julie Porter and Pete DeHaven - aren’t they just the _cutest_?

Lila:Oh,Caroline,why don’t you bother someone else?

Caroline:When I can bother you? Silly Lila.

Jessica:Why don’t you sit here?

Caroline sits. The girls chit-chat and talk of lighter things. End scene.


	4. Act 1,scene 2

Place:the shared Wakefield bedroom

Time:the night after the dance

Elizabeth enters the bedroom she and Jess have shared since they were in middle school. It’s a blue room with twin beds and posters on the wall,depicting rock stars for Jess and famous journalists for Liz. A copy of a Sweet Dreams book (well thumbed by the looks of it) lies on Jess’ bed. Next to it are letters she’s writing to their brother Steven,who is in college studying pre-law. Liz sits down at a typewriter and begins writing.


End file.
